I don't WANT back what you stole from me...

We will all get there one day...But first...

Some fellas think they are at an advantage because they have the ability to walk around with different cherry blossom, and sweat rose scents under their noses. He walks around with the baggage of she and her, and they, and me. The pain, the agony, the sweet silent moans are crying in his hear, as he walks around with the stolen goods of she and her and they and me.

He boast to the audiences of his male counterparts as he speaks of the bliss of his own livelihood. He pretends to mimic the causes and reasons of the exess baggage and all for the while he is praised for it. Then he begins to feel dragged and heavy from the marks of she and her and they and me. He starts to resent the she's and the her's while bitterness sets in his heart because he is left with a bunch of pieces to a puzzle that do not fit in his heart.

That young fellow who was once praised for his negligent activity of not treating the her's and she's with respect is now left alone trying to figure out who or what does he really love. See... he forgot that during the process of him taking the good sweet scents of pure unjustified hearts that he would loose the sense to love.

So then he starts to try to give those sweet scents, silent moans, modest touch and soft love to the women who once loved him. He wants to hand deliver the pieces back to the she and her and they and me. But as time passed the she, her, they, and me have mended those pieces and brought up new light to no longer need what he stole from them.

As he came up to me, I said keep that of which you have stole from me, they are no longer good enough for the eyes I now see. Your pain and recklessness had almost damaged me but I am the woman whom with you will never be. So keep it all of those things that you departed from me.

...And as the young fellow departed from me he now received the same story from she, her, and they to keep it moving with the pieces he has no conclusion to, he should have thought twice about the life he now has to renew.

A Table for Two...

In my quest to stumble upon love and the "American Dream" of falling in love with my soul mate. I began to wonder if such a thing exist anymore? Are we capable of finding our soul mates or is my generation just settling and ruining the lives of each other through non-traditional relations?
As I watch people define their relationships with the opposite sex, I wonder how the idea of just having sex with the opposite sex became the norm and standard for a centralized relationship. I could not possibly base my relations with another male based on the sex game! What happened to simple courting, morals, values, impressing and etc? Spending quality time and exchanging terms of endearment to me is what provides the foundation of if I could possibly be with this person. I have to know if his values are in line with mines or if a male can respect my morals. Those things are what builds effective relationships long lasting relationships...(but that's another post).
The photo above inspired me to think and evaluate how I decide to give my love away.
I feel that in order to fall in love with someone truly is to have a table for two or room for only two...
Not for four...or six. But only two, the two of us to discuss our issues and problems alone, and not amongst a group that has influential input.
At a table for two there is two of everything defining each individual of partnership. Each person has their own utensils and it's up to the individual how they use it for the good of the relationship. Then there is one small candle in the middle that represents the central idea the two individuals share together. That candle represents the unity, passion and zeal the other expresses for one another while they sit in and converse with one another.

When I look at my parents who've been together since they were 19, provides an example that maturity and dedication to the other soul is key in a relationship. Not by having a baby together, or having sex everyday, they had to genuinely like one another in order to still be together today. Are we willing to do that now, or have we been blinded by the attempt to just settle for the cause without truly loving someone?

Moving out of my own way!

Often times we blame others or things as obstacles in our lives. If "I had a car, I would go more places" "If I had a degree I would have a better job"  "If I would have never gotten married, my life would be so much better." If...If...If...
We always find someone/something else to accuse for our trials. That if we only take a minute to own up to our fallen realities, we in fact would realize that WE ARE HOLDING OURSELVES UP.

It's really hard to accept responsibilities when we are at fault for our own issues in life.We rarely want to take the position of pointing the finger back at ourselves. Are you where you exactly want to be in life? If not, why not? What is the real reason why you aren't moving forward in life, is it procrastination, lack of dedication, or refusal to accept the change that needs to take place in your lifestyle? Whatever the reason might be, the answer mostly ends in you.

We have to learn how to accept and fess up to our own mistakes in the fortitude of daily living. Every small decision we make in the beginning has a larger consequence at the end. It is up to us to draw the pictures of our storybook life and no one else. We can be our very own obstacle and sometimes we must push our normal selves to the side and step out of our comfort zone, in order to accomplish goals we might be too afraid to complete. If we consistantly affirm our goals and benchmarks we would remember what we are working towards and not what we are not receiving.

Everyone has a situation, a struggle, and obstacles...but how you work on accepting resonsibilities is where the true fight comes in.  Let's stop making excuses for our setbacks and start making preparations for our comebacks!

A little bit more about B...

There was a time when I used to care what others thought about me. I used to base my overall perception of how I know or expect others to view me. Then I realized, once the friends started to fade away, that if they couldn't accept me for who I am  then why are they even apart of me?
After some self-evaluation, I began to realize that I was the only one standing in the room of myself with no seats allowed and others freely taking up seats in my life, not concerned about me.
They would talk about themselves and blame me for circumstances...that's not how a friendship is suppose to be...
So that is when a change occured, I began to play musical chairs...As the music of my life started playing friends started to loose their seats, upset they had no place to plop down inside of me. They couldn't handle the change in me that was occuring. They could not see me start to make moves for myself and not include everyone that was taking up space. And long story short...there was only one seat left...in the life for B and that was the seat for me! A seat decorated with paint and colors in a alley of darkness. Yup that seat in my life was made only for me. In the midst of the dark alley, I appreciated the still life of me. Of course I was a tad bit bruised and battered, because I allowed others to take up my seats and use them at their own discression. I felt empty for a while because I wasn't used to being alone in my own home.
But just like me, I  forced myself to let the others go and keep the only seat for me...I kinda like it this way now, to be able to say what I want, do as I feel and create the environment that I prefer inside of me. I'm working on turning my alley, into a  dew drawn meadow of lilies and daisies, as the sun shines down directly on my seat. Then I will I have room for others, but they cannot make a home inside me...they must stand and visit while they talk to me in the midst of my medows, and lilac scent seat. Isn't that how internal being should be?

So welcome and enjoy these articles of me...